Download e-book for iPad: A last diary by W. N. P. Barbellion 1889-1919

By W. N. P. Barbellion 1889-1919

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By W. N. P. Barbellion 1889-1919

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His whole bearing and his attitude to life in general were quite uncharacteristic of the hypochondriac as that type of person is commonly depicted and understood. It should be remembered that his symptoms were real symptoms and as depressing as they were painful, and his disease a terribly real disease which affected from the beginning almost every organ of his body. Though he was rarely miserable he had something to be miserable about, and the accepted definition of a hypochondriac is that of one whose morbid state of mind is produced by a constitutional melancholy for which there is no palpable cause.

CUMMINGS. —Misery is protean in its shapes, for all are indescribable. I am tongue-tied. Folk come and see me and conclude it's not so bad after all—just as civilians tour the front and suppose they have seen war on account of a soldier with a broken head or an arm in a sling. Others are getting used to me, though I am not getting used to myself. Honest British jurymen would say " Temporarily insane " if I had a chance of showing my metal. 1 wish I could lapse into permanent insanity—'twould be a relief to let go control and slide away down, down.

It was nice for once in a way not to be teased by its beauty or over-stimulated by its wonder. I merely received the picture like a photographic plate. —Saw a long-tailed tit to-day. Exquisite little bird! It was three years since I saw one. I should like to show one to Hindenburg, and watch them in juxtaposition. I wonder what would be their mutual effect on each other. I once dissected a " specimen "—God forgive me— but I didn't find out anything. —It was over ten years ago that I read Wuthering Heights.

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A last diary by W. N. P. Barbellion 1889-1919


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